“Being a Mother is the Hardest Job of All Time.”

I used to hear this phrase and just sort of roll my eyes. Not because I didn’t believe that being a mom was tough, but because it felt a bit excessive to claim that being a mom was the HARDEST job ever. If I am thinking very literally, military personnel, firefighters, police officers, and surgeons probably have some of the top hardest jobs of all time (just to name a few that instantly come to mind). But now that I’ve been a mother for 9 months, I get it. I totally freaking get it. And I don’t think anyone who is not a mom will ever understand this unless we expand upon it a little bit. So that’s what I’m aiming to do here.

Let’s first start off by making it clear that no matter what type of mom you are – whether you’re a stay-at-home mom, a full-time working mom, a work from home mom, or somewhere in between – the mom part still always applies. It doesn’t matter if you’re at work or out shopping or out with friends; you’re still a mom during all of that. Chances are if your kids need something even when you’re away from home or away from them, they will be calling you (or someone else will be calling you on their behalf). The work stuff can probably be put on pause or be resumed the next day – the mom stuff is a constant. I feel like society has done a serious disservice to mothers and the role of motherhood. At least in my experience, my generation was basically taught that getting a degree, spending your time working hard for a company, and making money is more important and more liberating than having children. And if you think you want to stay home to raise them, you must be brainwashed or oppressed in some way. There is this notion that we shouldn’t want to do that because we could be “doing so much more” and we could be “independent” or have freedom to do whatever we want. When the culture does not view something as valuable and important, it’s pretty hard to convince people otherwise. I think this is partially why the work of mothers is so unappreciated, and why people don’t get how much effort and energy goes into it.

I am currently a SAHM while my husband works full time. He wakes up every morning and commutes to go work for a full day and provide for our family. I used to do this as well, so I understand how tiring it can be and all the stress that comes with a full-time job. I know what it’s like to want to come home and just relax for a few hours before going to bed and waking up to do it all over again tomorrow. Being the provider is extremely important and comes with plenty of responsibility. It is hard work. While I’m at home with the baby I also work hard. I am the nurturer, the caretaker, the babysitter, the meal-prepper, the cleaning lady, the laundry doer, the appointment setter, the dish washer, and the playmate. Somewhere in there I also must take care of myself – workout, do yoga, work on this blog, etc. Plus once my husband is home I have two boys vying for my attention because the wife role comes into play as well! I am up with the baby at least once per night still too (usually twice). I would happily argue that this role is equally as important and just as hard as the role my husband plays as the provider, and anyone who disagrees or devalues the role of a mother is highly mistaken.

One thing I try hard not to do is compare our workloads or compete over who does more. We both do a lot to contribute to the household in different ways. BUT, he gets to clock out and come home. Once his workday is over, he gets to take that hat off and leave it for the next day. If he has a headache or doesn’t feel good, he can rest without worrying about who will watch the baby. I can’t do that as a mom. There is no clocking out. When I’m tired or don’t feel good, I still have to meet the emotional and physical needs of our son. For the last nine months I have been on 24/7 full-time mom duty. I haven’t slept a stretch of sleep longer than 4 hours since before being pregnant. I haven’t been away from the baby for longer than an hour at a time, and even that has only happened a few times. I am the default parent. The constant emotional charge of caring for a tiny human non-stop every day, mixed with all the hormone fluctuations of postpartum and exclusively breastfeeding, is something I simply cannot expect my husband or anyone else to understand (and speaking of breastfeeding, the amount of energy it alone takes is astounding!). But just because other people might not get it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t respect it or see it as valuable.

Don’t get me wrong – being a mom is my favorite thing ever. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I chose this, I wanted this, and I am so grateful to be able to do it the way that I have been. It is by far the best job of all time, and I feel like it’s the most important work I could possibly be doing. But that does not negate the fact that it is sometimes really hard, frustrating, lonely, overstimulating, exhausting, and exasperating. It doesn’t matter if you’re working your dream job. It’s still a job that requires work and there will still be moments where you feel fed up. I guess what I’m trying to say is, you can love doing something with all your heart and feel like it’s kicking your ass at the same time!

This is a very brief summation of what it feels like being a mom, but I hope other moms can read this and laugh (or cry, or both) because they get it. I hope it resonates and makes at least one person feel like they aren’t alone and aren’t going crazy. I hope those of you who read this who are not mothers can better appreciate the moms in your life and the ones you see around. Maybe next time you hear a woman say, “being a mother is the hardest thing ever” you will empathize with her instead of rolling your eyes. And I really hope those of you who are expectant mamas or wanting to be mamas will read this with an open mind and know that yes, there will be some incredibly hard moments, but there will also be some of the most beautiful ones you’ve ever known. The work you’re taking on matters, so much. Raising little humans is an honor and a gift and a daunting task all at once, so if you feel like it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done, you’re not wrong. Don’t let the outside world tell you otherwise.